therstblog

Oct 19

the morning after

Posted in: Church Planting, Peculiar Place

I wonder if that’s the way we make communities feel…? You know. The way it feels the morning after an incredible night, event, indulgence… The heaviness, the worthlessness, the anxiety, the stress, fear, abandonment & most importantly the guilt… The morning after can have a horrible & unforgiven affect on both parties or all parties involved. So, I’m curious to know if this is the affect “we” have on communities, homeless, addicts & anyone else hurting when we show up PRELAUNCH on our white horse in our shining armor?

Do they know in advance that we probably won’t be serving them “like this” “post launch”? Do they wonder if this is service or advertising? Are we any different than the other groups that hand out thier sandwiches once a week then drive off making no connections? Are we using the hurt & pain of thier situations to tell everyone a “new church” is in town?

Seriously, these thoughts run through my mind as I dig deep into the identity of peculiarplace & the vision God has given me!

I’m not knocking serving! Not at all!! But my concern, questions & intent are aimed at the intensity at which we seek to “serve” our community “pre launch” & then we suddenly shift gears when the people show up.

I’m new to this, so admittedly all my thoughts could be dead wrong! And maybe they’re not!!!!

So, today we create & search for service opportunities that we can do now, but more importantly we are looking for things that we can continue to do long after we have launched!!

I refuse to leave Old Fourth Ward in the middle of the night to deal with the emotional earthquack of “the morning after”. We will stay, stand & stir up the transformative power of the risen Savior, Jesus!!!!!!!!

Oct 06

80

Posted in: Church Planting, Get Naked, Peculiar Place, leadership

80. An arbitrary number that means nothing to me until I add a percent sign after it…

Most of us are familiar with the 80/20 rule that applies to a number of generes. In the church world it’s often applied to the 20% of a particular churches membership that is actually the “church” & for a long time I’ve prayed and asked God for more. Asking Him to show us a way to rewrite this prescription for church.

I’m not saying I’ve got the answer for your church, but I believe God has shown me what makes sense for peculiarplace…

Imagine 80% of your core, launch &/or congregation performing a minimum of 10 hours/ month of volunteer services in the community your church is in. Imagine 80 people (80% of 100 people, a foundational goal for us) doing 10 hours… That’s 8000 hours in our schools, parks, nursing homes, tutoring, mentoring, cleaning & repairing. Imagine the IMPACT this could have on a community! Imagine the impact it would have on the persons “BEing” the church!!

Crazy? Maybe? But I believe this is one way to make outreach a daily thing versus a holiday, speacial weekend or time of year thing. This is a way to get those living outside of the community to invest effort, time & money into O4W!!

Oct 02

Overcoming the “You Cannot Break Me” Mentality – Stuart McDonald

Posted in: 40 days

There’s no doubt that the average American man is emotionally constipated — at least about certain things — and this constipation is having an effect on the world in which we live. When men don’t know how to properly understand, process, and express their emotions, whether good or bad, happy, sad, or other, they look for substitute outlets. The outlets they find are rather unproductive — drugs, pornography, alcohol, women, sex, violence, and the like — and when indulged in long enough, not only do they become generational struggles that will be passed on to their sons, but they become reckless and destructive for the present generation. Until men open their eyes and realize that their inability to properly navigate their emotional waters has an effect on everyone around them, they will not find the needed motivation to change a thing.

Really, men are only emotionally constipated when it comes to things like fear, failure, sorrow, regret, disappoint, and sadness — things we deem make us “less of a man” when expressed. But can men show some excitement and passion over a football or basketball game? You had better believe it! The problem lies in the erroneous belief that men cannot be found to be weak — ever. We assume that a man must always maintain a “manly” stance and stoic outlook on life that says, “no matter what happens, you cannot break me,” when in fact, that same mentality is exactly what does break men in this country.

When I look at the strongest, most Godly role models in my life, they are all very in touch with their emotions and feel liberated in expressing them. Come to think of it, I believe I’ve even seen the majority of them cry. You think crying makes a man weak? You’ve got it twisted — ask any woman and they’ll confirm that a man who knows how to handle his emotions is immeasurably stronger than one who is emotionally constipated.

There’s an incredible book by a pastor from New York, Peter Scazzero <http://www.emotionallyhealthy.org/about/bio_pete.asp>, that I recommend everyone, but especially men, read. It’s entitled, “Emotionally Healthy Spirituality.” <http://www.amazon.com/Emotionally-Healthy-Spirituality-Unleash-Christ/dp/1591454522> Now, that’s a mouth full, but the premise is this — you are only as spiritually mature as you are emotionally healthy. In other words: the more emotionally constipated we are, the less we properly understand, process, and express our emotions, the less spiritually mature we are. I won’t go into the entire book, but I do want to give you the top ten symptoms that you might experience in emotionally unhealthy spirituality:

1. Using God to Run from God

2. Ignoring the Ungodly Emotions of Anger, Sadness, and Fear

3. Dying to the Wrong Things

4. Denying the Past’s Impact on the Present

5. Dividing Our Lives into “Secular” and “Sacred” Compartments

6. Doing for God Instead of Being with God

7. Spiritualizing Away Conflict

8. Covering over Brokenness, Weakness, and Failure

9. Living without Limits

10. Judging Other People’s Spiritual Journey

After reading that list I know you have a few areas you need to work on. And that’s good; it means your human. No one has it all worked out. But what it does mean is that we have to get working on ourselves. If we first want to change the world, we have to look at ourselves and make the change first. Don’t you dare make the excuse that “I didn’t see my father (or any other man) do it, how am I supposed to do it?” By the grace of God, that’s how! Men want to lead and guide and pioneer everything else, you we’re too afraid to cry for the first time? Get over yourself, men. Stop acting like a punk and show that you care about something for once in your life.

Fathers, let me tell you something before I finish: your children need to see you cry. They need to see you get excited, to laugh, to be angry. They need to see your emotions. It helps to humanize you and makes you more relatable. Your children, especially your boys, need to know that you go through the same emotions you do, but they need to see you handle them effectively. When you lash out at your kids or your wife, the children view that as acceptable. Why? Because they don’t know any better so they believe that the wrong way is actually right — or at least the acceptable — way to handle things. The good news is, you can also show them the right, and healthy way to handle emotions.

I had a phenomenal advantage in this area because of my father; I saw him deal with all of his emotions. I saw him cry, get mad (sometimes too much, and thus I had anger problems as well), laugh, get excited; you name it, I saw my dad experience. Seeing my father openly express his emotions helped me to feel safe when I had those same emotions. Isn’t that what we all desire our homes to be — A safe place where our children can feel comfortable and open to be themselves?

Let’s make a concerted effort, as men, to encourage one another to learn to understand, process, and express our emotions in a healthy way. Whether it’s love, anger, excitement, sadness, or whatever, God created emotions for a reason — but we were made to rule our emotions, not the other way around. So men, step up and be the emotionally healthy man that God has called you to be!

[For more from Stuart McDonald, check out his personal blog <http://stuartmcdonald.wordpress.com/> and follow him on Twitter<http://www.twitter.com/StuMcDnld>]

[Note: You can read more about the top ten symptoms in this PDF from the Emotionally Healthy Website <http://www.emotionallyhealthy.org/about/pdfs/The_Ten_Top_Symptoms_of_Emotionally_Unhealthy_Spirituality.pdf>]

Oct 01

i suck at it…

Posted in: Get Naked, LIFE, To Know Him, blind introspect, grow

i admit it… I suck at sharing. I suck at opening up, sharing, giving up the details of my day, at being honest about how I really feel!

THERE, I SAID IT!!!

BUT, I’m getting better. I have to. It’s no longer about ME, or about how I used to be or how I used to deal with issues. I now, have a wife, who for only reasons God will know, loves me beyond judgement, who loves me in spite of & not because of. I have 3 sons who are looking to me to be BE a man & not just talk about being a man or what men do. They are looking to me to learn how to express themselves, deal & maintain a healthy emotional life.

So, I can’t & won’t suck any longer. I no longer have to fear being judged or looked at as less than a man.

I CAN FEEL AND KNOW THAT ITS OK!!!

I can and you can too! You should!

Men, anger, rage & frustration are not the end of your emotional map. It doesn’t stop there! You get lonely, you know what depression is, you know heartache, you know saddness & desperation, I know you do! Stop hiding! Stop hurting the women in your life because you won’t stop & heal! STOP!!!

I will not suck another day! I will no longer be emotionally retarded! I will no longer hide behind “strength” & manhood!

Pastors, I’m begging YOU, to free up the men in your church, by teaching them & showing them that it’s ok! Let them know that it doesn’t make you a PUNK to feel!

Ladies, free up the men in your life NOW! Don’t judge them or think less of them because they FEEL! You may discover a new layer to your relationship! Encourage them!!

Sep 30

are you to blame…

Posted in: LIFE, To Know Him, blind introspect, grow

my goal with this series is not to point a finger, nor is it to simply play the blame game, but to create a conversation between all of us about a subject that is shunned. In the wake of all that is taking place around the country, who are the men sharing with, if they share at all?

Why must a man be strong all the time? What does strength look like? Do we confuse “macho” with manhood?

I know growing up I was told “men don’t cry, suck it up”, I’m sure you’ve heard this before. My question is, if men don’t cry, then what do they do? I never got an answer! But, I can tell you what I saw in my community. I saw men drinking, I saw men abusing thier spouse, I saw men angry for no reason, I saw men “take it to the streets”. Is that the subsititute for dealing with ones emotional state? Does this work?

Again, I’m not saying to be a wimp & allow every leaf that blows to arrest you emotionally & render you useless, but I’m saying that there has to be a release valve where you can legally & without hurting yourself or anyone release emotionally!

Ladies, I know you don’t want a softy, I know you want a manly man, a protector, the strength of the home, but let me ask you this… CAN YOUR MAN COME TO YOU AND SHARE HIS HEART, HIS FEARS, HIS HURT & PAIN WITHOUT FEAR OF YOU THINKING HIM LESS THAN A “MAN”?If he can, does he know that he can?

Look around you, do you produce a cooperative environment for your man, your husband, your sons to share without fear of redicule? Do you foster an environment for a healthy emotional life of those men in your life that you love? Fathers, husbands do you?

Sep 29

A MAN Enima…

Posted in: Get Naked, LIFE, blind introspect, grow, the love of God

Yes! I am guilty of “supersizing” the titles to grab your attention. I believe this thing is just that crucial.

I sit at the edge of my bed wondering, had those boys, at least one of them, in Chicago, would have been able to express himself, to cry, to be angry without violence to say it hurts inside and i dont know how to fix, to scream from the top of his lungs that i just want to fit in…. maybe little Derrion would still be alive today. Just a thought. Mind you i just watched this video and am in tears…

I believe pastors across this country MUST and SHOULD be dealing with the emotional illiterate men in their churches. I believe its an issue that men with sons ought to be sharing with their boys and their daughters. I believe women must stop putting up with men who are emotionally constipated and strongly suggest they get help, my wife did!

There is no soap box involved here. I am learning to share, to heal in public, to be broken in the midst of my family. I am learning that my boys NEED TO and MUST see me deal with my emotions in a healthy manner so that they too will know how to respond to all of the difficulties that await them. For most of my life, i wondered about me. I wondered if i was ok. If i was normal because I seem to express, mostly in written form, the things I was feeling that weren’t, “man-like”. Meaning, that I recognized that there was more to my emotional calendar than rage, anger, or frustration. That sadness, that joy, that fear, that loss, that gain, that vulnerability were all emotions that i either experienced or were afraid of experiencing. NO ONE said to be, its ok to cry. Now i’m not advocating crying for the hell of it, or being manipulative, or just being a push over, but i am speaking to the hearts of men everywhere who have been told that “women are emotional”. To those people who spread such empty rhetoric, i ask, then what the heck are men? Do you not “feel”? Do you not “long”? Do you not know what it is to be empty?

How do you deal with your emotions? Do you even recognize that you “have them”? Do you hide in your “cave”? Ever wonder why something so amazingly small sets you off? Do you conceal, hide, put away, grow numb until one day you explode?

IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT YOUR SONS OR DAUGHTERS TO EXPERIENCE?

FAMILY WE’VE JUST BEGUN THIS DISCUSSION… PLEASE COMMENT, ASK QUESTIONS, LEAVE YOUR THOUGHTS SO WE CAN CREATE A DIALOGUE!!

LOVE YOU!

Sep 28

Emotionally Retarded

Posted in: Get Naked, LIFE, blind introspect, grow

I had a conversation last night that ROCKED MY WORLD! It wasn’t some deep super spiritual theological geeky conversation, but one that was man to man, heart to heart! It was this conversation that has sparked this post & several others I plan to write this week. Please, if you are married, single with hopes of being married, have a son or sons or have a father that you care greatly about allow them the comfort or discomfort of reading this & subsequent posts. Encourage it, I’m begging you!

MEN, we are both emotionally retarded & constipated! Yes, I said it & I mean it! Ok, maybe not you, because you have it ALL together, but the rest of us are!!

Do you cry? Do you feel like you can never be “weak” in front of the people you love? Do you dodge going home because you can’t take it? Do you find solace in a bottle or puffing on something? Do you have anger issues?Do you feel like the walls are closing in on you, yet you don’t say anything because you are afraid of what others might think or say?

I could go on with questions & examples for hours, but here is one of the most important… ARE YOU AFRAID OF BEING VULNERABLE? Even with your wife or your children?

I hope in my posts this week to share, be transparent with you. I hope that in doing this, someone may find freedom in going home & releasing the weight of being emotionally constipated! I’m hoping this series is the laxative you needed to BE FREE!

Being a MAN does not require you to be emotionally inadequate!! The boys, young men, the daughters, wives, women in your life NEED YOU!!

Sep 28

the power of one…

Posted in: Peculiar Place, local, the love of God

Had an opportunity to preach @ Epic Village this past Saturday. I debated and debated about posting, but know that there are some of you who wanted to be there but couldn’t, and well some of you are just nosy… so i have decided to post the video… I hope you enjoy, but more importantly I pray that you hear something that resonates with your heart concerning His love for you and His desire for your life…

PS- it starts midway into my intro, so forgive me in advance for that…

the power of one…. from lloydowens on Vimeo.

This past Saturday I had the opportunity of sharing my heart with the Epic Village family. It was an amazing night of Worship!!!

Sep 09

how can i…

Posted in: Get Naked, Peculiar Place, grow, prayer

How can I…

Far too long we go through life self absorbed, selfish, self self me I and never we! I have searched, studied & read through my bible enough to be confident in what I’m about to say… “There is NO “me” or “I” in the word GOSPEL”!! so get over yourself now!!

With that said, how can I pray for you? How can peculiarplace serve/minister to you?

will you pray?

Posted in: Get Naked, Peculiar Place, To Know Him, o4w, prayer, the love of God

Greetings

I am sorry first of all for not providing updates more regularly, but I wanted to take this time to update you on my family, peculiarplace and all that God is doing and how you can be praying with us.

The last two and half months have been a major adjustment. A good one at times, and well a difficult one at others. The boys are back and in school. Enjoying, so that is something to get up and do a praise dance for…lol Esther and I are in an amazing place as far as our relationship is concerned. Still growing, but enjoying the time and growth as opposed to fighting it. Did I mention my little man, Zion, is now 9 months old!!! Whew! He will be 1 in less than 3 months, where does time go?

At this point, she (Esther) is a full time mom, and I have found myself being a pastor, freelance graphic designer and a potential business owner. With that said, things are tight, or are getting tight. We are needing God to show up in a MAJOR way in our sources of finances whether that is support, or a job for me. My desire is to raise enough support, 2500.00, to pay our bills- rent utilities and car insurance, and get a PT job in our community to pay for the rest of our daily lives. I include numbers because I believe in being specific when going to the Father. A PT job would give me the freedom to BE in the community working versus OUT of the community with a job. I believe God has called us to this community and therefore want every stitch of our efforts, work, toil, frustration & joy to come out of this community.

We have an amazing project coming up next month. God has shown us a possible way to touch the lives of 10,000 people with a simple flier. We are going door to door with a flier we are designing that will ask our community “How can we serve YOU?” on one side and on the other will ask how we can help making this a better community. We will then direct them to a website where they can submit their ideas. We will also provide a phone number for those who do not have computers or cant get to a computer. We will take those ideas and create a list of serving opportunities that will run every month until our public launch. We will also be asking for those who share ideas to get involved and help, a way to get some face time and build relationships with people in our community. To top it all off, i must brag on God, we have a possible army of 200-400 college students who will provide 3 hours of their time to help us pass out these fliers next month!

We had a meeting this past weekend where two important things came out of that meeting. One, we will begin sometime next month, all of us, serving at least 10 hours in the Old Fourth Ward community. Whether that is at John Hope Elementary, the school we partner with, or at a homeless shelter, or at a community clean up… this is going to be somewhat STRONGLY encouraged behavior for the peculiarplace launch team and then the church when we go public. Imagine a community where 80% of your church membership spent 10 hours somewhere, someway affecting the lives of others by giving up a small amount of one of the most precious commodities, time. That’s what we are striving for!! Serving Groups!!! We want to BE the church Monday through Saturday, giving us a REAL reason to come together and celebrate on Sunday!!

Also out of that meeting we discussed finding a person or couple to begin mentoring/discipling. We are all praying right now for God to openly make plain and share with us who in our lives or what “perfect” stranger He would have us invest in!! God is going to do something BIG here I know He is. Again, this is something we are starting today, that will continue long after we launch.

How can you pray for us & peculiarplace:

1.)Finances, we all could use more right now, but this is a prerequisite to us being able to live in the community God has called us to serve. Pray that He open doors for support, that He opens doors to freelance design gigs, pray that He multiply seed sown!

2.) A successful flier, “survey project” next month. We possibly have the man power, but we need funds to purchase fliers(270.00), tshirts 500, water for army of volunteers, & snacks(150.00). Pray that God through this simple flier awaken His sleeping spirit in this community. Pray that lives will be invested in, hearts will be changed, minds renewed, hope restored & that peculiarplace will be in the position to Shepard those who heed the call to be a part of what God is doing in O4W. Pray that the lives of those college students will never be the same after this project!

3.) Pray that our volunteer hours spent in this community are not in vain. Pray that Lives our touched, relationships are built, God is Glorified in our efforts to serve this community through a number of venues. Pray that doors are opened to new and innovative ideas in which we can serve this community in the future. Pray for our safety as we venture into realms outside of our safety zone in our volunteering efforts.

4.) Pray that Esther and I will come up with the finances to make two very important trips next month. One is to Houston, TX for an assessment. The other is to Tenn. for an amazing opportunity to be in the presence of people who can teach us and build relationships that may lead to partnership.

5.) Continue to pray that our marriage, our ability to parent, our ability to be sons and daughters, brothers and sisters, as well as friends continues to look like the image God has created these relationships to look like. We must first be an example of His Grace, Mercy & Redemptive Power before we can ever honestly share Him. The evidence MUST BE evident in our lives!!!!

Thank you and let me know how we can pray for you, because I BELIEVE HE IS A GOD WHO ALWAYS, and I MEAN ALWAYS, ANSWERS PRAYERS!

Love you!