therstblog

i admit it… I suck at sharing. I suck at opening up, sharing, giving up the details of my day, at being honest about how I really feel!

THERE, I SAID IT!!!

BUT, I’m getting better. I have to. It’s no longer about ME, or about how I used to be or how I used to deal with issues. I now, have a wife, who for only reasons God will know, loves me beyond judgement, who loves me in spite of & not because of. I have 3 sons who are looking to me to be BE a man & not just talk about being a man or what men do. They are looking to me to learn how to express themselves, deal & maintain a healthy emotional life.

So, I can’t & won’t suck any longer. I no longer have to fear being judged or looked at as less than a man.

I CAN FEEL AND KNOW THAT ITS OK!!!

I can and you can too! You should!

Men, anger, rage & frustration are not the end of your emotional map. It doesn’t stop there! You get lonely, you know what depression is, you know heartache, you know saddness & desperation, I know you do! Stop hiding! Stop hurting the women in your life because you won’t stop & heal! STOP!!!

I will not suck another day! I will no longer be emotionally retarded! I will no longer hide behind “strength” & manhood!

Pastors, I’m begging YOU, to free up the men in your church, by teaching them & showing them that it’s ok! Let them know that it doesn’t make you a PUNK to feel!

Ladies, free up the men in your life NOW! Don’t judge them or think less of them because they FEEL! You may discover a new layer to your relationship! Encourage them!!

Yes! I am guilty of “supersizing” the titles to grab your attention. I believe this thing is just that crucial.

I sit at the edge of my bed wondering, had those boys, at least one of them, in Chicago, would have been able to express himself, to cry, to be angry without violence to say it hurts inside and i dont know how to fix, to scream from the top of his lungs that i just want to fit in…. maybe little Derrion would still be alive today. Just a thought. Mind you i just watched this video and am in tears…

I believe pastors across this country MUST and SHOULD be dealing with the emotional illiterate men in their churches. I believe its an issue that men with sons ought to be sharing with their boys and their daughters. I believe women must stop putting up with men who are emotionally constipated and strongly suggest they get help, my wife did!

There is no soap box involved here. I am learning to share, to heal in public, to be broken in the midst of my family. I am learning that my boys NEED TO and MUST see me deal with my emotions in a healthy manner so that they too will know how to respond to all of the difficulties that await them. For most of my life, i wondered about me. I wondered if i was ok. If i was normal because I seem to express, mostly in written form, the things I was feeling that weren’t, “man-like”. Meaning, that I recognized that there was more to my emotional calendar than rage, anger, or frustration. That sadness, that joy, that fear, that loss, that gain, that vulnerability were all emotions that i either experienced or were afraid of experiencing. NO ONE said to be, its ok to cry. Now i’m not advocating crying for the hell of it, or being manipulative, or just being a push over, but i am speaking to the hearts of men everywhere who have been told that “women are emotional”. To those people who spread such empty rhetoric, i ask, then what the heck are men? Do you not “feel”? Do you not “long”? Do you not know what it is to be empty?

How do you deal with your emotions? Do you even recognize that you “have them”? Do you hide in your “cave”? Ever wonder why something so amazingly small sets you off? Do you conceal, hide, put away, grow numb until one day you explode?

IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT YOUR SONS OR DAUGHTERS TO EXPERIENCE?

FAMILY WE’VE JUST BEGUN THIS DISCUSSION… PLEASE COMMENT, ASK QUESTIONS, LEAVE YOUR THOUGHTS SO WE CAN CREATE A DIALOGUE!!

LOVE YOU!

GOT YOUR ATTENTION… GOOD!

Listen, let us be honest with ourselves, we are losing a battle that is bigger than anything we have ever fought. Look around you right now, where you live, work and play. Someone you know and love, a stranger at the coffee shop, a co-worker who cries themselves to sleep every night is hurting, dying on the inside and ultimately is going to spend eternity in HELL because of you, me, we wont… we just wont do enough about it!

This is not a “church” bashing post, but this is a cry, a plea, an urgent message that i believe we all need to hear. If you are offended, good. If you think I have no room to talk, then stop thinking and do something. I don’t care! We are sitting by arguing with each other while we tell our friends, family and others to: GO TO HELL!!, by not BEING the CHURCH!!!

MY HEART BLEEDS…

my heart concerning the Kingdom of God. These are the things I believe He has sent me to teach a group of people that He has set aside for a peculiarplace. That’s what I believe and nothing can change that. Church growth strategies, marketing, and all the other “church planter” stuff is great, and honestly a must have to some degree, but if we believe God IS, and not was, if we believe in the depths of our heart that He is ALL powerful and has created us in His image, if we believe that like Abraham, Paul and others that He has created a place for us, if we believe that He is the one who moves on the hearts of people as He did Pharaoh, then what is the fuss about? What are we debating theology, doctrine and church “styles” for? I mean really! People are dying and going to Hell, not because we don’t have the latest and greatest, but because we are SILENT! Because our lifestyles don’t match our perfectly coordinated/programmed services, because our words are not the Father’s Words, because our prayers are so self-centered, because we don’t GIVE without looking to receive, because we don’t die daily to sin, because we make excuses about sharing the greatest gift ever given, because we stop falling on our faces to confess and repent, because we choose a “private” savior over a PUBLIC LORD, because we hide behind past hurts and pains and assume vulnerability is from hell, because we have tolerated and not LOVED… I could go on forever and I am just as guilty as anyone else as being caught up in these issues! I am NOT PERFECT, nor do I LIVE the PERFECT life and I will never pretend to be! What I know is that the way we LIVE, LOVE & GIVE can and WILL change the world, or at least the parts of the world assigned to us .

I am simply looking for people who agree to come along side of peculiarplace and get their freaking hands dirty!! Looking for people of all races, backgrounds, experiences and cultures to DO SOMETHING instead of all this FREAKING TALKING! LETS BE THE CHANGE!!

Interested?

Are you a good investment? Does the influence, words, wisdom, challenges or even correction cause a proactive “reaction” in your life, visible to everyone? If someone was to take time out of their schedule to offer you “wise counsel”, and I stress “wise”, would you respond immediately or have to go and pray about it for 40 days, then decide? Is the research a possible investor might need to decide whether or not to invest in you readily available or are you masking it all, hiding it in the dark corridors of your mind, creating the illusion of togetherness? How are you presenting your portfolio? Why should someone invest in you? Do you have proof of previous investments that can shape, good or bad, the opinion of future investors?

I am asking myself these questions right now! I want to be “the good investment, the best investment” that anyone would want to take part in. I don’t want to be the flash in the pan, latest hot “stock” that you have got to be a part of, only to fizzle after a quarter of remarkable results. I WANT TO BE THE LONG TERM STRATEGY, for those seeking to impart wisdom. I want to react, respond, fix, adjust, amend, change, quit, begin, implement, and create the desired results immediately. I want investors, both current and potential to see in me the desire to be ALL God has called me to be. I want the roots of their investment to run deep, deep enough to withstand the worst of storms and attack. I desire to be that investment!

With desire, there must be a plan, a call to action, a strategy… their must be work. I must be vulnerable, open, and transparent. I must be WILLING!

So today, I am letting you know that I am WILLING, and am giving you permission to speak into my life. To invest in me, with results promised.

you have permission to speak freely…

its a song title, become a cliche and probably lost most of its meaning, but today it is at the forefront of my mind…

What does it mean, why would you want to and lose myself to what? Why would being vulnerable and WIDE OPEN be a good thing? How can i protect myself if i take off all of the nine thousand masks i have created since i was a child? Wont people take advantage of me?

“Self”preservation has become the cornerstone for life, relationships, marriage and anything else that involves human contact and connection. WE DONT WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW WHO WE REALLY ARE BECAUSE THEN THEY MAY KNOW JUST HOW INADEQUATE OR HURT OR SIMPLE OR SIMPLY SEE THE “REAL” YOU!!! So, with that said, we are back to our original questions… why?

Our lives are summed up in our experiences, our past, our background, and exposure. We cling to our past as if it was a life raft, “saving” us from future… when in reality it is why we are DROWNING!!!

Losing yourself is not the enemy! Letting go of yesterday, the good the bad and especially the ugly, wil not make you any less prepared for your future!

This is one of the many joys of a full fledge, naked, vulnerable relationship with Christ! You lose who you thought you were, and cling to who He says you are! Your past is gone as long as you let it go! You get a clean slate! You live and not survive! You get a chance to be loved the way you have dreamed and longed to be loved!!

So, what are you waiting on, lose yourself… besides you (or I) are not as important as WE THINK WE ARE!!!

What are you afraid of?
Why wont you let go?
Will you lose yourself and re-learn to LIVE?