my dreams
bleed
menstruation
no period
no period of time
space defeat
conjecture
could detour
me stop me
i believe
in these things
that seem
un
unbelievable
unrealistic
unimaginable
un me
undo the curse

i can hear
mayas caged
birds
can see
langstons
dream no longer
deferred
and can
hear robisons
voice
echoing in
my heart

transform
the song
in my head
optimist
im prime to
take over
a make over
you have
not won
only pushed
me off the
ledge the edge
the bridge
named fear
bleak it stood
weak i lay
at its mercy
rehearsing
excuses
perpetrating
abusive
religious
shadows
stood over me
freedom rang
freedom rang

i can hear
mayas caged
birds
can see
langstons
dream no longer
deferred
and can
hear robisons
voice
echoing in
my heart

i know its
time
its love
its time
to leave
to part
to give the
world my gift
to sing
to dream
to speak
to loose
the venom
this decision
unshakable
rhythm
insatiable
my giving
thank you
for leaving
for now
now
this time
i am living…

i can hear
mayas caged
birds
can see
langstons
dream no longer
deferred
and can
hear robisons
voice
echoing in
my heart

I’m so much
Larger than this
XXXXXX
XXXXXL
Exhale
Driven a
Hundred miles
Past hungry
I’m swollen
Bitter
Bowlin over
Any naysayer
Dream slayer
Including
Inner me
My worst
Enemy
I’m alive again…

i can hear
mayas caged
birds
can see
langstons
dream no longer
deferred
and can
hear robisons
voice
echoing in
my heart
*singing*
(i can see clearly now the pain is gone…)

im so glad that i know you understand
i done everything i know how to do
and as usual i end up crying out to you
i tried so hard to do my best
but i dont feel like i’ll make it through this test
i cant remember feeling so much pain
and my tears keep falling like the pouring rain
i try to force myself to wear a smile but its just not there
this pain im feeling deep inside my heart seems so unfair
it really feels like i wont make it through another day
so i stand before you with a broken heart and all i can say is
precious Lord please
take my hand
(do you know what im talking about out there)
(please Lord)
help me stand (help me to stand,please help me now)

see i cant front Lord standing here today

cause i stumbled here there along the way

im praying even as i sing this song Lord
for my breakthrough i hope it wont be to long
i try to force myself to wear a smile but its just not there
this pain im feeling deep down inside my heart seem so unfair
this time i feel like i wont make it through another day
so i come before you with a broken heart and all i can say is
precious Lord ehhh….
take my hand
(would you do that,would you please do that for me)
(lead me on,lead me on
help me stand (help me to stand,help me to stand)
deep down i know you will come through
thats why im reaching,reaching out to you

cause i need to feel your loving arms again

and when i feel your loving touch thats when
i’ll be ok,i will be ok i will make it it you take my hand
take my hand (repeat 3x’s)

Lead:
lead me on lead me on Lord
i wont make it without you Jesus
i wont make it without you

Choir:
hold me (repeat 2x’s)

Lead:
hold me (please hold me)
cause im standing here and i need your touch

Choir:
take my hand (repeat 3x’s)

Lead:
i wont make it another day
cause i tried it my way
but these tears keep falling
and this pain keeps growing
hold me

Choir:
hold me (repeat)

Lead:
and if i know your holding me then i can count on this
i know my breakthrough is on the way

Choir:
breakthrough

Lead:
i can rest assure
with tears in my eyes
i can stand my ground
and i can say hold me Jesus
help me Jesus
hear it is
say it like you mean it yeah like you mean it
my situation might still be the same
but im counting on you
i know you’ll come through i know you will
gotta say yes

Choir:
yes (repeat till end)

Lead:
my flesh will say yes
my tears will say yes
my heart will say yes
my change is on the way
and your change is on the way
breakthrough,breakthrough

Fred Hammond- “Take My Hand”, *emphasis mine

Seems like I’ve spent this whole life of mine
Searching and searching trying to find
A life filled with love that You already gave
Because of the searching, it pulled me away

I Found all the heartache, I found all the pain
I Found all the drama, I found all the shame

But my search will not end, no my search will not end
Till I find myself

Lost in You again, lost in You again
My search will not end, till I find myself

You said seek and I’ll find, ask and I’ll find, knock and the door will be open Lord

Lost in You again, lost in You again
My search will not end, till I find myself

Lost in You
Lost in You
Lost in You
Lost in You

Before I go too far into this post let me say that I in no way shape form or fashion have “mastered” the art of love (my wife would vouch for this), but I know HE who has & is the very same love we all seek, we all need & the we all at some point attempt to unpack in our lives. We will get to that soon enough!

It was just amazing to search through twitter and see what others thought love was or is. Some were funny, most were honest & some were even scary. Scary because it seemed to revolve solely around them.

One thing I know for certain is that love is SELFLESS!! it has to be or it isn’t love! It becomes perverted, twisted & manipulative if & when the motives of love are selfish or seek to serve self! I speak with authority because I have been here, I have dine this very thing & I have hurt those who love my most!

#itslove when you know that person may never change for you, but you accept(with your own set limits) them as they are & support growth in thier life. #itslove when you know tomorrow might not come so today, no matter the beef has to be special. #itslove when you give & give & give & give & never expect anything in return!

#itslove when you lay down your life. #itslove when you give up your promise or most treasured thing/person to see someone elses life changed. #itslove when you in obedience take the punishment & death sentence for someone else. #itslove when you sit & wait with arms wide open for thier return no matter how many times they say no or ignore your calls, warnings, advice or love. #itslove when no matter how low you’ve sunk or how bad you’ve become or how filthy your life is or how jacked up you are you are still accepted, valued & treasured.

Do you know love? Do you know the selfless love described in the paragraph above?

There is only one love people. We all want it, live for it, need it, do really STUPID & heart wrenching stuff to try and get, yet the whole time He’s been THERE, right where you are, right where you need Him to be…

This post ended up in a place I originally had no intention of going… I just followed!

I love you, but more importantly He(Jesus-so noone is confused) loves you!!!

we, as the body, the leaders, pastors, church planters & anyone else who fits in this category MUST discontinue immediately this contest of “whose is bigger”!!! even more important, those like myself who are in the process of building something must not get caught up in measuring ourselves against others wondering why we aren’t as big!!

I know the metaphor may be a little crass, but it’s really time out for the foolishness… and here is why!

“I am the vine, you are the branches…” remember this scripture? ok, follow me please. there is another scripture that says, “…you shall know my sons & daughters by thier fruit…” (paraphrasing). you still with me?

people, when someone confess Christ as thier Lord, they are not fruit! they are another branch added to the vine! a branch like you, who now becomes responsible for producing it’s OWN fruit!!

so what are we really measuring? what are the fruit then?

I believe, the fruit we MUST produce occur at your job when you get a pink slip, when the gossip crowd gathers around your desk, when “that” lady wears “that” outfit or skirt, when “that” man flirts with you, when you can’t pay a bill, when you feel your life is worthless, when your relationship is hanging by a thread… HOW YOU RESPOND IN THE FACE OF THESE AND OTHER SITUATIONS ARE FRUIT!

the only fruit, no I don’t think so! how you treat your wife, kids, family that’s fruit. how you give if you give, that’s fruit.

all I’m saying, there’s so much more I want to say, is that this not a pissing contest, nor is it a “stand around the boys lockeroom with a ruler” contest either!

we’ve got to get it together, & that definitely includes me!!!

now imagine, you smell like sheep, your tired & you’re called to this posthumous line up. the old guy comes to you and says you are the next King of isreal?

what the heck??

and for several years after this proclimation you are still not king, yet you serve the king.

you defeat a giant and save your country, the people love you, yet you’re still NOT king!!

here’s my point, David, like Jeremiah & many others before & after him, there WAS A PROCESS!!

we cannot, as much as I want to, skip through the process. we cannot select what parts we want to go through and which we don’t.

process hurts, it’s uncomfortable & often it is never as attractive as the vision or finish line, but we MUST endure… we MUST walk through the fire… we MUST learn about ourselves… we MUST not abort the process!!

well, I’m beginning the marathon of a lifetime, more like decathlon, and am taking the time to stretch & be stretched!!!

I certainly don’t want to pull up halfway through with a hamstring injury, this is a challenge I must see to the end! I’m prepared mentally, physically & spiritually to see the finish line!

Lord, stretch me! allow me to see you in ways I’ve never experienced. show me who I am, who you desire for me to be. give me the directions, counsel needed, prepare my heart for this journey!

Amen!

What?? No, I don’t have some “organ” condition that allows me to physically give birth, but spiritually my womb is with child!!

Have I been here before, yes! I have been pregnant with vision, with dreams, with hope for the city of Atlanta & old fourth ward. But…

I have also suffered miscarraiges & have aborted the very same seed I carry now! I have fallen on my face & repented before God & know that I have been forgiven!

I am expecting!!! And with eager anticipation I KNOW this process of pain, morning sickness, sleepless nights & lack of comfort is a MUST!

The next 10 months, ladies I know you feel me, are going to be filled with amazing revelation, with power, with pain & jubilation!!

Please pray for the birth of these dreams, the vision that God has given me for the city. Please pray for my family as God stretches me & that I will be first the leader & pastor of my family! Please pray that no weapon formed against the seed growing inside of me grow full term!!

I AM EXPECTING!!!

If I had a quarter for everytime I’ve had a doubt, second guessed my ability, or questioned God’s decision about my calling I’d be a millionaire!

I know, some of you might say I’m sharing “too” much, but who really determines that?

And what I’ve discovered is that whether it’s my feelings, insecurities, fear or someone pointing out my shortcomings… I truly am unfit to lead.

I am unfit to lead, without His, Christ’s, grace, favor, love, mercy, direction, forgiveness, strength, arms wrapped around me, blessing, the Holy Spirit, obedience, sacrifice, Blood and on and on and on…

You see, I CANNOT, lead anyone anywhere in and of myself or in my OWN strength. I am but a worthless filthy rag without Him.

Sometimes I forget that. Sometimes I lead, alone. And in that very moment there is non one to blame, lean on, comfort, or even hear me but me! And frankly, I am not enough!!

Lead, your family, your life, your career, your friends-real & virtual, your calling & passion with Him, not on your own.

To lead alone is failure.

Why?

Because of the 14 plus thousand residents that call Historic Old Fourth Ward, O4W, home 80% do NOT attend church regularly, if at all!!

Because 80% comes to over 11,000 people, mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, teachers, CEO’s, friends, neighbors, nurses that would spend an ETERNITY in Hell! If that don’t move you then I’m not sure what will.

Because we are not simply starting a church, but our DESIRE & PRAYER is to build, transform a community with Christ as the HEAD. to be an example for other communities that call Atlanta home.

Because O4W is an extremely diverse community which gives a great chance to create a church/ community that resembles Heaven!

As missionaries it is our responsibility to BE a part of this community, to BE good neighbors, to BE the LIGHT, to BE the church & to BE THE ONLY JESUS THAT OUR NEIGHBORS MAY EVER KNOW! and in order to do that WE NEED YOUR HELP!

Pray about it. Then GO!

Imagine what two less Starbucks fixes a week, one less lunch out a week or drink or two less at the bar or club could do for us, the future of peculiarplace, this community and the Kingdom of God!!

Click the donate button below and become a weekly, monthly partner or simply give a one time donation that would assist us in doing the work of the ministry God is birthing in us!

I thank you and my family thanks you!