therstblog

transparency….

for the last four months our household has been in a whirlwind of frenzy. so many things going on, never enough time and hoping and wanting to keep it all together… you know, men, never let ‘em see you sweat. Right?

then one day it all comes crashing down… its as if the world decided to turn against you in a nano second. everything you knew to be reality, to be sure, to be certain is now dancing with confusion as you lean against the wall hoping no one sees you.

your wife tells you that you are feeding me physically and spiritually, but emotionally im STARVING!

huh? when? how? what did i miss? but but…

i ran away to seek God and get some understanding… i just got knocked out in the first round no need to bite my ear off cus im out on the canvas just hoping i can still walk. and as always He is there for me, only to tell me just how wrong i have been, and i hear the word that makes my heart ache, the word that is like driving nails in my own wrists and feet.. SELFISH.

you see somewhere along the way in this four month time span, in this amazing part of our journey together as a family as husband and wife as best friend and lovers, i began to lick my own wounds. i began to see me and lost sight of her wondering why i dont get and why i cant and who is going to do for me and damnit im right and your wrong and what about me what about me… in the corner… hoping no one is looking… licking my wounds….

But God….

Brothers, please please please understand this, I write these words to share so that you dont make the mistake I made. You see for the first time in my life after prayer and heaven sent wise counsel, I was able to admit that I had become SELFISH. LOVE, the LOVE that God is in, is not selfish, it does not consider itself, it denies self and consumes it self in the object of its affection. That is LOVE! That is GOD!

Someone once said this to me, and please comment and let me know what you think…

Love is when two people deny their needs, and focus on the needs of the other person, and meet those needs before the person ever knows there was a need. That is LOVE! Think about this, how much attention would you have to pay, how much time would you have to put in, and how much listening would you have to do to meet a need before the need is ever known by the person who posses it? My next question is simple, if you did the above, when if ever would you have time to have an affair? (To put out the rumor fires before they even begin, NO! I did not have an affair.)

I have since allowed god to show me the errors of my ways. He has shown me and my wife has directed me to serving her a buffet in all areas of her life. I pray never to have her become bankrupt in any area, EVER!

Thanks for listening!